Chronicle No. 1: The Unpaid Creditor

I'm not the first person to have been betrayed by a friend but it definitely sucks to be the the betrayee. The treachery really hurts because it had a financial bite to it. I shall refer to the betrayor as 'It' in this written rant.

Have you ever tried to help someone get out of trouble at your own risk? In my case, I risked my financial stability in the BAR exams. I lent my funds to It so that it could pay its debts and avoid being harassed by its creditors. I know you want details but I have gotten tired of reciting my oral history to all those who want to know. I just want to vent my bitterness.

The amount I lent to It was quiet substantial and it would make your jaw drop and pronounce me stupid. My close friends have pronounced me stupid.

There would come a time in our lives that we would be asked to choose between doing the right thing and saving our asses. Last June, I chose to be honorable.

I let It have my rent money for Manila, and It and its parents assured me that the money would be returned to me in a week or two. And I waited, and waited, and waited.

It managed to pay me two-thirds of the amount it borrowed, but, it was not enough. I even asked It to just pay me in small amounts so that I would not suffer much. I couldn't ask help from my mother and my sisters because this was also my fault. I had to cut down on my spending because I had to pay the rent with my living allowance. Every week, I asked It to send me something and all I got were promises.

I was worried that I still had a P7,000 unpaid balance for my rent but I was confident that I would have a buffer because I expected to receive the same rate of my monthly allowance. I would have to be tight with my wallet but I would get by.

In the midst of the BAR examination month, I was informed that my allowance was reduced. I made computations and I realized that after I would pay the rent, I would not have enough money to go to my sister's home(my designated housing facility). I still had to pay for the freight of my things, travel expenses from Manila to Ozamiz City, and I also had to pay for my examination and living expenses.

My mental equilibrium was upset. I couldn't sleep well. I would dream about the money every time I would close my eyes, and I would suddenly jolt out of sleep with my heart beating very fast.

My classmates noticed that I was disturbed. They would catch me staring into space with my book spread before me. They also noted that I was more self-absorbed than usual. I told them my predicament and they comforted me. It is really good to have people care for you in times of great anxiety.

From that moment on, I offcially became the pet of my classmates. They paid for my jeepney fare and MRT fare, my entrance fee to Enchanted kingdom, my coffee from Seattle's Best and my meal from Jollibee.

When my benefactors were not around, I fed on small cans of corned beef, squid balls, hotdog sandwiches, biscuits and bread. They were the cheapest and decent food around.

I still received weekly promises from It, and I continued to rely on them even though deep inside I knew that It would never be able to pay me. I had to believe It because my mental health was at stake.

The BAR exams were finally over and I managed to go to my sister's home. I still suffered because I didn't have any money and just locked myself into my assigned room. I didn't go out because it would mean spending money. There was even one time that I spent thirty minutes perusing over various shampoo brands to determine what brand is the cheapest - Sunsilk. I had a very limited budget. Still, the promises kept pouring in and I began to get angry.

I realized that I have been suppressing my anger and bitterness for the sake of the BAR exams. The more promises I received, the angrier I became. I stopped asking for payment because I just got disappointed everytime I made a demand. Disappointment leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. I might have to bring out my light saber.

It has been a month since It made its last promise. i am a bit better now,but, I am still paying off the debts that I had incurred due to It's callousness.

I am really thankful to the people who were there for me. You truly are friends.